Most people start conversations to be polite. If not, they begin interactions because they want something from you (maybe a favor) or they want to speak about a topic on their mind. They could solve their problems another way, but they want to chat and you don't mind speaking with them. You may be one of these conversationalists. 

Conversations are the fifth habit taught by Stephen Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. What Covey teaches is that what you have to say does not always matter.

Care about others first. If you want relationships to go beyond being an associate, you need to serve others. Covey says you must first learn to listen to other people: hear what they mean, not what you think they mean. Then learn to present your thoughts in a way that they might find compelling.

How to apply Covey's advice

Whether it's an argument or conversation, people know when you are trying to score points. They also know when you're not listening. If you engage with someone on a subject, try to proceed to an agreement. Agree to disagree, or agree to understand the point of view of the other person. With such a mindset, you are more likely to listen, rather than think of a good reply. Caring about other people lets them care about you.

This article is part of our Business Coaching blog series. At Dataczar we talk to a lot of small businesses. We’ve found a few books that we keep recommending time and again. To better help our customers, we’ve added a Reading List for Small Businesses to our website. We encourage every small business owner to read and keep these timeless business books on their office shelf.

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